Please shut your mouth!

I have been told I am a laid back person. I am totally cool with that. I am passionate about certain things and the older I get, the more passionate I become. However, for the most part I am a very relaxed guy. In order to retain my calm demeanor, something will have to change. I will either have to stop watching golf on T.V. or the people at these PGA events are going to have to SHUT THEIR IGNORANT MOUTHS!!!

I don't know when people started yelling, "Get in the hole" after a golfer swings. My guess is someone heard a golfer say it after said golfer hit a good shot and thought the ball might actually end up in the hole. Regardless of the origin, what used to be an occasional occurrence has now become a primitive and benighted ritual.

Let me try to explain a little for those of you who don't understand golf. Every hole has a "par". "Par" is the expected number of strokes it should take to play a certain hole on the course. So, a par 3 should only take three strikes of a golf ball to coerce it into the hole. Subsequently, a par four would take four strokes and, you guessed it, a par 5 would take five. A "Hole in one" is when the ball goes in the hole on the first shot. This happens occasionally on par threes because they are close enough to reach the green in one shot. It has happened a few times on the longer par fours. A "hole in one" has only been recorded three times on par fives because of the long distance. So when a golfer, even Tiger Woods, hits his first shot on a par 5, the chance of it "going in the hole" is 3 to however many times people have teed off on a par five. Not very good odds.

I watched Tiger play the entire third round at the 2008 U.S. Open. After EVERY SINGLE SHOT (including his tee shots at all four par fives), some arrogant idiot who payed way too much money to come watch an intelligent sport they apparently know nothing about would yell, "get in the hole".

Golf is an amazing sport and I am very glad it is becoming more popular. However, for anyone who has attended a golf match and shouted those four mindless and idiotic words I refuse to repeat, I have some advice for you. "SHUT THE F...RONT DOOR". Buy some pork rinds and PBR with the money you saved NOT going to the U.S. Open and do whatever it takes to realize THE BALL CAN'T HEAR YOU!