The blue team saunters into the living quarters and tries to explain why they sent Mo home. Black's not buying it and neither are we. Let's face it, with Tracey gone, so is the season. They HAVE to keep her for the drama factor. I, for one, am glad she's still around.
Tracy can't decide if she wants to bawl or not. So she does, then she doesn't, then she buries her head in her hands, then she smiles, and then her gears jam and smoke starts coming out of her ears.
There is so much awkwardness in the living room that I'm super relieved when the tribal drums beckon us back into the workout room
I'm sure we're all excited to see that Tracey's workin' out! It's her day. It's her time. I wonder how long this attitude will stick around. Of course, it's Tracey. I shouldn't have to wait long to find out.
As the sun turns into the moon and then into a tiki torch, I am amazed at the special effects team on this show. They are especially capable when it comes to the morph feature. I think they deserve more credit.
The tiki torches provide a nice little segway to the next challenge. We suddenly find ourselves on the Survivor set where our contestants will have to dig in the sand for 4 keys to unlock boxes straight from Pirates of the Carribean. I told you they were in cahoots. Allison the Indian-Giver (is that racist? I've never known) asks them if they want to know the surprise that awaits them in the boxes, and then says too bad. If they want to know, they'll have to win. Oh, snap!
Next we find out that AMANDA HATES SAND. In fact, she thinks it's a nuisance. It doesn't matter. While Amanda and her clean hands look on, DANNY IS KILLING IT and Shay is doing snow angels. Liz looks like she's competing in the backstroke, and yet again, I wish we had a DVR. We may have to get on that.
DANNY says this is like digging a slow hole to china. It doesn't stop. Hi DANNY, Jamie again..you're digging a hole. It's not going to stop until you do.
Rebecca says her hole is 6 feet deep. I feel dirty just typing that, but I want to remind her that if she's only standing up to her ankles in the hole, I'm pretty sure it's not 6 feet deep.
DANNY looks up to the sky in angst like a frustrated 5 year old, and then victoriously pulls his box up. He's the MAN!
Okay so I definitely missed the part where the keys are in the boxes. I thought they were just loose in the sand and couldn't figure out why they were all digging 12 feet into the ground. Um...guys, when the water starts coming in, you've gone too deep.
On the blue team front, I think if my house burns down, I want Allen to come dig me out. Did you see him flinging those boxes?
Blue team wins the mystery prize - tickets home. Allen drops an H bomb that shocks us both. But then decides to offer the prize to the Black team. DANNY says it's a sweet pain because he gets his wife, but doesn't get Jillian. Hm...
When the black team tells us where they're going home, I notice that most of them are from the South. Coincidence? I think not. Unfortunately when I moved here 5 years ago, I heard on NPR that Colorado was the healthiest state and Tennessee was the 47th healthiest. Yes, out of 50. I'm sure the only ones that were worse were Mississippi, Alabama, and Louisiana.
Be honest, who else cried a little when Daniel's grandma saw him for the first time. Huge blue hair, penciled eyebrows and all. Daniel's family was stoked to see him. Think about how weird it would be to have not seen someone in just 5 weeks, but seeing them 50 lbs lighter all of a sudden...
Dina's little boy gives her flowers and I start to cry again. And then I stop because I think her husband is in a tux? Oh no, just a suit. OK. Not really, but okay. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.
Shay comes home to her husband and stepkids. Wait - Shay is married? I thought she was younger for some reason. I'm not sure those kids are very excited to see her. Her cabinets are sure pretty though. I'm puzzled that these children didn't know where she was. I'm also puzzled at the subtitles when Shay's husband is whispering to her. I could understand him perfectly clearly.
I guess I show my ignorance here, but I'm surprised at how thin Amanda's parents are. They seem to have a very petite build. Oh come on, you were thinking it...
Oh gosh, here's DANNY. I think I'm gonna crah (that's southern for cry, of course)
Our contestants are pumped to lose weight at home. Just wait, they'll be crahing about how hard it is by the end of the week.
Shay shops for organic food with the tots. Forget digging in the sand, grocery shopping is the real challenge. Way to bring it around full circle, Shay. Danny shows his 5 year old his food diary and promises her candy if she'll sit still while the nice man films them on the bench in the neighbor's back yard. With daddy gone, their's hasn't been mowed in awhile.
Rebecca does an side interview and I have no idea what she said because I'm so distracted by the huge chunk of hair stuck to the side of her face.
Liz is really struggling today and drops the second H bomb of the episode. And thinks she was going to DAH. (die. Aren't you glad I'm learning Southern so I can translate for ya'll (you all, of course))
If I didn't know Abby just went swimming, I would have been really impressed with her sweat-soaked hair.
How cute was Dina's son sitting there reading his book like the little task master he is. Run faster, mommy. Keep climbing those stairs, mommy. I'm just gonna sit here in my glasses with my spikey hair and read this science book. He's the little kid that turns into a super hero. You'll see.
Amanda is so distracted and can't figure out how to do the machines at the gym. I'm reminded of a Brian Reagan skit about some scaffolding.
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| Brian Regan - The Gym | ||||
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good thing Jillian calls and tells her she can do it. Thanks, Jill. That advice was priceless.
Shay says she feels uncomfortable at the gym - like people wonder why she's there. Um Shay, you're wearing a Biggest Loser t shirt and being followed around by an entire Biggest Loser camera crew. I think they all know what you're doing there. Why do you think the tan blonde girl kept fighting your step sons for the machine right next to you?
They all talk about how hard it is to be disciplined at home. But we know that's not true. Trevor is popping some popcorn. It's lite butter. Now that's discipline.
During the commercial break, on our station, we were treated to a L'Oreal Mascara commercial. I was enticed at first and then I remembered this little episode and got over it.
Wow - has anyone noticed a huge change in Liz? She's ridiculous right now. Super negative and vindictive. I think I'm over that too.
Do you ever wonder if they're contractually obligated to go out to eat at least once during their trip home?
Cut back to DANNY's place where he is filling the grill with kabobs. How many people are coming for dinner? That allotta food. But how cute is his wife?! And supportive to boot! Then he makes me cry when he tells his little girl that he can't go to the zoo with her because he wants to live. Live, DANNY, live!
Shay takes some buddies to Subway. Move over, Jared. She reads the cue cards perfectly and we all want Subway now. Thanks, Shay. Well played, subway.
Lots of tearful goodbyes, and it's back to the ranch.
Okay, if this show doesn't pick up, I'm going to start blogging about the commercials. Anyone see the pistachio one with the beauty queen?? I'm still giggling to myself.
The arial shot of LA through the smog reminds me one of the reasons why I'll never live in LA.
I think they show video of that pool almost everytime they come back from commercial and no one's ever in it. I would choose to swim all.the.time.
Do you ever wonder if one of the contestants says something really good and then the producer makes them repeat it for the cameras? For example, DANNY: Well guys, we've had a lot of distractions this week. I say we all get dressed and get back in the gym. PRODUCER: Good line, Danny. Do you think we could get a shot of that as the others look on and nod? Okay, great. Just one more time and we should have it. Can you be a little more animated on this one?
Back to the gym it is for the last chance workout. Since being home, DANNY has been able to go faster and longer than ever before. He is Superman.
Longer shirts, folks - PLEASE!
Jillian mounts Daniel and he looks as uncomfortable as we are. Her crotch was literally in his face...We're about to find out why he's not living up to his potential. Here it comes. It's because of his relationship with his mom. He has lots of regrets about how he treated her. I'm confused, did she die? Jillian confirms that she did not die...so why is he talking about her like she's gone? I'm so confused!
All of a sudden (actually after a 3 minute commercial break and a pretty awkward Biggest Loser social awareness spot), thunder begins to roll as the sharks and the jets march into the gym. It's weigh in time. Bob's gonna be pissed if Blue loses again. I wonder how long it takes to set and reset that weigh in area every week. Or maybe it's just a completely different location?
The Results:
Allen: -8 = 270
Apparently he and his wife invented the concept of a short term sacrifice vs. long term gain. He should go down in the visionary's hall of fame alongside Al Gore, the inventor of the internet.
Rebecca: -5 = 232
She's going to look GREAT when she's done. She's very pretty.
Tracey: -4
Are we surprised at the freakout that just ensued? On a positive note, she just gave me my quote for my next senior yearbook: "four shmoore, go get some marshmellows, 'cuz it's not enough" Yes! This is why we watch, people!
Confident Liz: -4 = 228
Are we at all surprised by her cynical response? Fail.
Rudy: -14 = 355
Are they fuzzing out his crack? Pull up your pants, big guy. 87 lbs in 6 weeks? Un.healthy.
Trevor just asked me if Blue is going to lose. Wouldn't it be DRAMATIC if they did? Until Rudy weighed in, I would have said yes. Tracey treats us to a little more crazy eye just for good measure.
Amanda: -6 = 218
I do wish we could tuck in the side boobage on these ladies. Maybe just some bras that provide a little more coverage?
Shay: -5 = 411
65 lbs for her in 6 weeks. She's happy with -5 at home. Of course she is...it's AMAZING. I wish I could lose 5 lbs in 3 months!
Abby: -4 = 204
Majestic and foreboding trombone accompaniment softens into piano and I wonder if this is foreshadowing the fact that they're going to lose.
Shay says that 4 lbs doesn't cut it for Abby, yet she only lost 5 and she's twice her size. Kettle, this is Pot. You're black.
Dina: -5 = 218
She's ecstatic about that and is empowered that she did it at home. Even with her son being there the whole time.
We begin to wonder if DANNY is going to save it for everyone. I'm sure getting the Black team loses vibe, which makes me skeptical. Oooo, or maybe Daniel lost like crazy. We shall see.
DANNY: -15 = 357
Trevor cries a little beside me. Team DANNY! Even Jill sheds a tear or two. And then she farmer blows into the corner to remind us all that she's still butch.
Did I call that or what?! Allison can count and reminds us that there's just one to weigh in. Did Daniel do it? Or are they just blowing hot air up our workout capris? Widemouthed gasp from Bob before the cut tells me he's golden...
By this time of the show, Trevor and I have started our own contest. It's called the biggest winner and we play by trying to see who can eat the most and still be hungry. I'm super annoyed when I have to wipe the hot fudge off my chin before I can begin to type again.
I want to tell you something, but you have to promise not to tell anyone. I think Daniels nipples are the size of Tracey's eyes. Tracey's crazy crazy oogely googely eyes. Credit to Trevor for the comparison to the eyes. I actually said they were the size of his face. I'm not a nice person sometimes.
Daniel: (drumroll [or little trumpet/percussion/scale beep fanfare], please) +1. Oh suck.
The team is super supportive and agrees that it could have happened to anyone. I feel like inside they disagree. However, a closeup shot of DANNY makes me think he may sacrifice himself now realizing that he can lose 15 lbs at home. Dina wants Daniel out because he already had a second chance here. Shay is a wild card right now.
As our contestants take their designated spots at the elimnation banquet table, Allison informs us that DANNY can't go home. I'm relieved.
Pet peeve: the way everyone says "this person" in the elimination room. Just say it, already.
Just got this txt from my darling sis who is also a die hard DANNY fan:
"Oh commercials...You suck! Come on!" Yes, yes Jenni. Indeed they do. But did you see the heavenly light emitting from the building just before the cut? Now THAT's something to stick around for!
We return to the elimination banquet and Dina is on the chopping block. Shay just twists the knife with her soliloqy about Dina's strength. We knew she wouldn't vote for Daniel. No surprise there.
At the ranch, Dina lost 35 lbs in 6 weeks and gained a newfound respect for herself, and for talking about herself in the 3rd person. I'm so glad. First person narrative was getting a little dry. Next time we see her it will be all her. ?
When she started at the ranch, she weighed 253lbs. She weighs 188 today. Her son works out with her and I wonder what kinda gym lets little kids sit on the weight stacks.
The biggest news, however, is that she can now jump up on the lion tamer podium! Hooray! She can almost clear it by 1/4 of an inch. I'm so relieved. *gag*
Because she feels like a new person all over, it's time for a new look. As her friends gather around, a la TLC Makeover Show, we are treated to a quick peek at her new look. Here are my thoughts in order.
- Her hair looks pretty good. It's still a little long for my liking, but it's okay.
- Have her teeth always looked like that?
- There is a subtle pattern on that dress
- She looks great. Go Dina.
- What the cleavage? Anyone else think it looked a little off?
What about you - what did you think?
3 comments:
I'm sitting here at Panera, reading your blog and remembering the tough time they had ordering when they went out to eat. And I just ordered what sounded good. Oh snap - I'm sure that vegetable soup, artichoke chicken sandwich and even more bread on the side (plus the dill pickle) wasn't the best choice on the menu. I wish Jillian had my phone number so I could get a call of encouragement... but I'm over it. I'm pretty sure if she tried to talk to me, I'd cry.
(and yes after they showed the 2nd person at a restaurant, my exact thoughts were, I'm sure they were obligated to eat out once while they were at home.)
I also didn't realize the keys would be in boxes. I was frustrated because they just kept digging deeper and deeper and I was sure that the key was probably somewhere in the dirt they had already thrown out. When they hit the first box, I was a little confused how a little key could make so much noise when being hit by a shovel... :)
I'll admit that I did cry when Daniel's grandma saw him. It was so cute. It would be weird to see someone 50 pounds lighter... sorry I won't be like that when you see me at Christmas.
I was super confused when Shay's stepkids didn't know where she was. How could they not know? Unless perhaps, the family was hired for the show...
I feel like the kids didn't know who she was...
And no, I actually did not think about the fact that Amandas parents had a petite build.
I giggled to myself when Shay was talking about being uncomfortable at the gym. You nailed it...no one was wondering why she was there...the shirt and the cameras kind of give that away. The blonde in the background was hilarious... she kept moving to try to get in the picture. But that's what I would have done. Or maybe I would have brought Shay water during the filming to tell her that I was glad she was at the gym and knew exactly why she was there. Good work Shay, good work!
During the Loreal commercial my first thought, no joke, was that if I used that my eyelashes would look like the picture in your blog. Thanks to you, I now feel self-conscious about my eyelashes and now have the hardest time picking out mascara, when before I would go with the one on sale.
And about the pool... again my exact thoughts. They show that picture EVERY TIME but I don't ever see anyone out there enjoying it.
Thanks Jamie for yet another, hilarious and all to true biggest loser blog. And thanks for getting me hooked to your show... I like it, but like your blogs even more.
I agree. They need longer shirts. I think that all the time!! Your thoughts on this show make me laugh. Keep em comin!
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