Worst.Blogger.EVER. with some Bachelor thrown in for good measure

Sorry for the long silence. I think two people read this regularly and one happened to notice that we missed a [few] ;)

Well, tonight I'm feeling motivated (and not tired), so we're back...for now. What's this new motivation, I hear you ask yourself? Why it's none other than my favorite TV trash, The Bachelor, back to waste 2 hours of my life each week. And I LOVE it!

Jake is a total dud - this much we already knew. But he is very pretty. The whole night was just awkward for me though. Of course ABC had to compensate for the lame, awkward 31-year-old boy scout who still says things like, "Gosh darn-it" and "Golly me", so they went above and beyond to harvest the most plentiful crop o' crazies that have ever been assembled. Those girls were awkward! Do we notice a word pattern here? I almost wanted to change the channel, but I was afraid I'd miss something really juicy...Here are the highlights that I can remember:

Jake's back-zit that they forgot to edit out as he put on his pilot shirt during the opening montage

Jake riding cautiously on the motorcycle

Jake stopped on Laguna Beach with his bike in front of the sun with a plane overhead. I gagged a little in my mouth.

The neon lighting around the doors at the mansion - Is that a set, or an actual courtyard? Do the girls just head backstage and wait to head overthere, or are they actually going inside.

Jake telling every girl to find him inside - only after he pretends to follow them each and I have a little mini-stroke because he's not staying on his mark and the camera guys have to stop filming for a second and ask him to get back in place.

Gia the dancer from Manhattan whose mouth dumbfounded me as I could never understand a word she mumbled. She did have great "hair" though.

The girl that totally ate it as she stepped up to meet Jake

The girl that tripped on her dress and totally ate it by the pool

The constant tugging of strapless dresses - girls, if you're going to wear a strapless dress to the party, make sure it fits the whole time. Or better yet, buy a dress with straps if you insist on having size 24HH boobs. K? Thanks.

Psycho (Michelle was it?) and her uber-intense pursuit of all things marriage and babies with our bachelor who she had known for 2.5 seconds

The girl who gave out parting gifts to the others as she arrived

The girl who gave Jake a gift to remember her by..oh wait, that was all of them...

The boobs

The botox...don't these women know that they're in their 20's. They shouldn't need this much plastic

The girl from Nebraska who totally reminded me of Janice Dickinson (the formerly beautiful cover model who just won't give it up - see below)

Anyone notice Nebraska's crows feet as she was sitting on the beach at sunset with her really wide-spread boobs and have a hard time believing that she's only 29? Yeah, me too...

I digress...what else was there?...

The daddy's girl from FL was a piece of work. You know, the one with the dog who wears sweaters, eats strawberries with her, and licks her in the mouth? Vienna - is that right? 50 bucks says she's not there because she wants a husband...

Jillian and Ed stopped by for a little support and Ed seemed really edgy. Jill too. I wonder if the little visit was in her contract. Her ring looked great though, and as per the us ush yoojsh usual, she looked super cute, and I wanted to be her friend.

The pep-talk from Chris Harrison was terribly forced and I wonder if Jake will ever look natural up there. I'm betting on No...but I want to hope for better. Mostly because I'll be the one watching all season.

The rose ceremony was hardly ground breaking, though I felt terrible for the Air National Guard girl (the one with the quarter flip) when she thought her name had been called only to realize that he was talking to another girl with the same first name. I liked her. I thought she was fun and easygoing and definitely worth a second look.

I'm always astonished at the girls who cry after being let go on the first night. Although they have been up all night drinking and the sun is rising as they are sent packing.

I'm sure there were many many more highlights, but those are the ones that came to mind. I'm excited about this season only because there is surely drama to come. My bet is that Jake will cry more than twice, and that the crazy one (token producer-pick) is only there for heightened drama (did you see her kiss the rose at the end...reminds me of a boyz 2 men song and maybe a little Sting and the Police thrown in for fun..) Jake is sure that his future wife is in the bunch and I am beside myself with anticipation. This should be fun!

Now hurry on over to my favorite bachelor blog, www.ihategreenbeans.com and be prepared to laugh yourself out of your chair. She posts on Tuesday afternoons. Warning: you might get addicted and proceed to watch this silly show season after season just so you'll know what Lincee's talking about on Tuesdays. Consider yourself warned.

Chris Harrison also blogs on people.com's popwatch site. I don't know the address to that one, but it's usually worth a quick skim.

Thanks for joining me this evening. As always, I would be delighted to hear what you thought of tonight's little debacle...comments please! Let me know I'm not the only one...

Loving me some bachelor goodness,

Jamie